Husband dont want to live with me anymore

3035 3 ответов

Tatiana 28.03.2013

Iam 32 years old, recently graduate from Masther Degree here in Zurich. I am living with my husband here in Zaurich 2 years and I work during this time part time.My husband is 40years old, working as manager in cafeteria. We have some payments to pay back for the next 5 years, he has it from the past expierince. I just came back from my work in other country ( was there for 2 weeks only and its just once a year. He told me that he cant leave this way anymore, that he has enough of it. During this 2 years of marriege I should admitt I were a bit lazy with household things, like cleaning, cooking and so on, and he mentioned it continuosly, that he want it to be in other way. I were trying to be more he wants me to be, but still with alot of things not done in the way he wants it to be. He never complain that he need to work for both of us and taking care of the house. But at all the time the money issue arise in our relation, since a lot of payments need to be payd for both of us. He has issues at work coming this last year, he is not satisfied with the results he got there. I has been looking for a job for all this 2 years, and sended hudreds of CV but no response. I were just once for one real interview but they refuse me. Also he knew and I always told him about it, that I dont like to live in Switzerland and that the style of living here is not for me and that I want to live in usa. We talk about it alot of times, that maybe we could go to live there if I will find a job there. But at the last talk I sayd that it is not so bad here in Zurich and maybe if I will find a job in some US company located here, would be great for me, so I could travel to us. As well we talk about having familly holidays in usa if we will not leave there.

Today husband told me that he dont have anymore same love to me as its used to be before and that he realy dont know what we should do now, he took out his wedding ring and sleaping in the other room separate from me. He sayd that he tried to keep it up our relations but last friday was the final day, when he came and I was late with dressing up for my university graduation, he said that was it, he feels that everything had broken up till the end this day.

I feell that is all about the work, situation with the money and alot of payments butsure my behaviour. He mentioned recently that maybe if Icould get a job it is could be better.

Please help me out with your valuable answer, and let me know where we could come to have your advice, to sing up for the consultation.

Best regars,

Tatiana

Добрый день,Татьяна.

Могу начать в позитивное взаимодействие с вами. Дистанционная консультативная встреча возможна в скйпе. Вы можете обратиться через мой персональный сайт, он есть здесь в моем аккаунте. И мы договоримся о первой консультативной встрече. Определенно, взаимные претензии разрушают дружелюбные отношения. И создают затруднения и депрессивные перспективы в настроении. Лучше вместе начинать икать конструктивный выход и он видимо  есть.

С уважением.

Dear Tatiana,

Thank you for your letter.

There is no doubt that financial issue plays major role

in relationships. It seems that this issue puts so much

stress on your marriage.

Over 14 years I’m working with mixed marriage couples

( it’s when partners are from different cultures). I’m relationship

specialist and would be happy to work with you and your husband.

Last year I was consulting couples in Switzerland. However at this moment

I’m fully booked in London office and could offer you skype sessions.

Would you please ask your husband if he is willing to participate in our

sessions? I assume he speak English well as my German is very poor.

Im looking forward to hear from you

And help you resolving issues in your marriage.

All the best,

Aliona Lebed

Здравствуйте, Татьяна!
Из Вашего письма следует, что причиной проблема в отношениях в недостатке финансов и отсутствии постоянной работы для Вас. Тем не менее, у Вас уже есть степень магистра и можно надеяться, что искать работу теперь будет легче. 
Вы ничего не написали о своей профессии. Может быть, стоит снизить планку и поискать любую постоянную работу, чтобы финансово помочь своему мужу.
 Если проблема в финанасах, то получение рабочего места может решить и проблему в отношениях. Но это видно будет только на практике и именно с пересмотрения поиска работы и следует начать. Сейчас у Вас будет отзыв с временной работы и обычно при наличии отзыва найти работу легче.
 Может быть, есть смысл временно пойти на волонтерскую работу по профессии чтобы иметь позитивный отзыв. Во всяком случае, не стоит сейчас мечтать о Америке, но простараться сделать все возможное для спасения отношений в Цюрихе.
  Если же получение работы не изменит ситуацию в отношениях, тогда уже можно брать консультацию психолога и выяснять, какие другие факторы виноваты в том, что муж не хочет отношений. Сейчас, как я поняла, не важно, какую именно работу Вы сможете получить. Главное, чтобы это был постоянный доход и чтобы муж смог рассчитывать на Вашу финансовую поддержку.
С уважением,

Ольга

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